Flappy Days

That was fast: F. Martinella is closing

2009-07-14T19:40:00.005-04:00

Back in October, Boar's Head decided to try their hand at a retail shop in Downtown Brooklyn with the old-timey sounding and looking "F. Martinella" deli. I guess people weren't eating enough hoagies to cover the $125 a foot rent, 'cause I passed by there this morning and saw guys loading unopened blocks of ham and turkey into a truck. On the way home, my suspicions were confirmed when I saw the windows taped over. Despite the misleading claim that they had been in business since 1949 (Boar's Head was actually started in 1903, and if you count the kiosk at JFK, F. Martinella had been in business only a few years, tops), they actually lasted only 10 months. Ha ha! But is anyone surprised? The food was bland and the neighborhood didn't need another deli (let alone one that was way too fancy for its own britches).

Don't let the neighborhood hit you on the way out, and good riddance.

And just for the record, this is our second food-related scoop concerning the block of Court Street between State and Schermerhorn

[photo credits: brownstoner.com and comestibles.com]

Old Jews Telling Jokes

2009-06-25T10:29:00.002-04:00

This is my new favorite site. It's pretty self-explanatory - every few days, they post another Old Jew telling joke. Here is today's:

Enjoy!

No Words

2009-05-28T15:03:00.005-04:00

I am too stunned to have anything witty to say about this.

Hat tip to one of FlappyDays' main bros, Baldric the Flatulent.

UPDATE: Welcome Thighs Wide Shut folks! Have a look around and make yourselves at home. We're on a pretty sporadic update schedule here at Flappy Days, so add us to RSS feed.

Don't Ask, Don't Tell, Don't Think

2009-05-20T12:28:00.003-04:00

This is absolutely infuriating.

Over 75% of Americans now (actually, as of 10 months ago) believe that gays and lesbians should be able to serve openly in our military. The armies of 13 major countries, including 3 of our closest allies, one of whom is arguably the greatest man-for-man fighting force of the modern age, all allow open service. And our President campaigned on the promise that he would end this ridiculous policy that does nothing but harm our national security and the lives of the brave men and women volunteers who are fired because of it. Since 9/11, the US Army has fired at least 59 Arab linguists because of their sexual orientation - how is this sane military policy? To paraphrase Jon Stewart, you can torture them all you like, but that's not going to make them speak English.

I was a huge supporter of the President during the election, but I am not so partisan that I cannot call it like I see it....

Mr. President, tear down this wall.

Auto-Tune the News (Part Trois)

2009-05-15T16:49:00.003-04:00

Auto-Tune - you've heard it even if you don't realize it. It's that vocal manipulation that Cher made famous in her 1998 club banger "Believe" and that T-Pain and Kanye West have determined to cram in our ear holes from every available speaker on Earth. Well, Michael Gregory and his crew have finally put it to good use with their "Auto-Tune the News" series. Parts 1 and 2 are already all over the tubes, Part 3 dropped today. Enoy:

Berlin Street Art

2009-05-14T11:53:00.007-04:00

Over the last few years, street art has exploded all over the world. Once the refuge of graffiti taggers, street art has expanded to include all sorts of media including the now-ubiquitous wheat-paste images you see on buildings and other urban surfaces. Which brings me to MentalGassi, a Berlin-based street art collective who redefine and reinterpret all sort of mundane surfaces in and around that city. Enjoy some samples and check out their site for more works.

Album Review: Staff Benda Bilili

2009-05-14T11:12:00.012-04:00

This isn't so much an album review as an album recommendation. I never really understood the concept of album reviews. Like Elvis Costello once said, "Writing about music is like dancing about architecture." Anyway, I was up in Rhinebeck, NY last weekend and strolled into Oblong Books & Music (check it out if you're up there - great selection). There was some king of African music playing on the house system, and it immediately got into my head - I asked the guy at the desk what it was and he introduced me to Staff Benda Bilili. I've been listening to the album every day since. Staff Benda Bilili is a group of Congolese street musicians. Loosely translated, the group's name means "the people who look beyond appearances". The band consists of four elder paraplegic singers/guitarists, all of whom zip through Kinshasa on these super tricked-out tricycles, to which they have been confined since their youthful bouts with polio. The rhythm section is comprised of a group of abandoned street kids known as shégués (a term which may or may not have derived from Che Guevara), all of whom have been taken under the protection of the older members. The most distinctive sound on the album comes from a satongé, a one-string lute made from a milk-powder tin, a section of fish basket frame and a single electrical wire, designed and played with virtuosity by 18 year-old Roger Landu.

Evidently, the album was recorded over a period of about three years, with most of the songs recorded out in the open, mainly in the local zoo (!!), using a dozen microphones, a MacBook laptop and a guerrilla electric cable hooked up to a deserted bar nearby. (See below)

The album is infectious and fun - highly recommended. Check out some samples via the youtubes below. The first clip is a trailer for an upcoming documentary on the band.

Really Cool Things: MIT Labs "Sixth Sense" Prototype

2009-05-14T10:21:00.010-04:00

No, it's not the ability to see dead people. It's a new device developed by MIT's Fluid Interfaces group, headed by associate professor of Media Technology Patty Maes. According to the group's website:

'SixthSense' is a wearable gestural interface that augments the physical world around us with digital information and lets us use natural hand gestures to interact with that information.

For those of you who don't speak Nerd, it is a prototype cobbled together with a pocket projector, a mirror and a camera that essentially projects information about an object on any surface. For example, don't have a calculator handy? Well, just project one on your hand.

Need to know the time, but don't have a cell phone (no cell phone? who the hell are you, the Unibomber?) and are too shy to ask your fellow citizen?

There are all sorts of possible applications - and many of them are demonstrated in the interesting (albeit somewhat long - 8 minutes) lecture and presentation posted below that Maes and a student in the Fluid Interfaces group gave to the TED (Technology, Education and Design) Conference. Side note: the Fluid Interfaces group has a website that showcases a number of other "really cool things" in development, and the TED website has great library of interesting lectures on a multitude of topics. Without further ado:

More of this: Musical Flash Mobs

2009-05-12T15:42:00.003-04:00

Yes, it's an ad, but give credit where it's due (thanks T-Mobile) - I think life is better with musical flash mobs. 13,000 people singing Hey Jude at once? C'mon, that is cool.

Mother Lovers

2009-05-11T12:16:00.002-04:00

Justin Timberlake should quit with the guest appearances and just join the cast of SNL already. He's consistently the best thing on it. He and Andy Samberg wreck the joint, again.

Happy Mother's Day!

Today, I am old

2009-05-11T11:10:00.002-04:00

I guess it happens to everyone at some point - that moment where you feel like the world has leapfrogged you and all of a sudden you are on the other side of the impregnable wall between youth and adulthood. Now, I don't mean to say that we have to "act" old, or that we can't be youthful all the way into our elderly years. A lot of my friends have recently started complaining about how "old" we are. No, my 102 year-old grandmother is old. We, at most, are middle-aged (my contemporaries and I are in our mid-30s). But the other day I did have to confront the very real fact that popular culture may be passing me by. To wit: I subscribe via my RSS feed to Brosephus' twitter account. I don't have my own Twitter account, as the entire endeavor doesn't appeal to me, but I like knowing what my brother is up to. So, a couple days ago I see this:

much love to @jodaplumber*, the 1st person in the history of my twitterlife to #followfriday me. he will never be #unfollowfriday, not on my watch

To which I replied: "This must be what Dad feels like. Please translate." I had to confront the fact that my reaction to this media phenomenon to which millions upon millions of new people subscribe every day was really no different than the one my grandmother has to my iPhone. It was a bit disconcerting, but then I saw this clip below, and felt much better:

*not his real name

Best Banana Ice Cream....EVER

2009-05-07T15:45:00.006-04:00

Last night the Wifey and I went out with my college roommate M. and his wife L. to eat at Fort Greene newcomer The General Greene. The restaurant is a small-plates affair, and the food was decent, but nothing really ~~to write home~~ to blog about. What was noteworthy, however, was dessert (Well, my dessert, at least. The Wifey had a chocolate pudding that she ate slowly in order to "trick myself into thinking that the next bite might actually be delicious").

I ordered the roasted banana ice cream. Now, perhaps my bar is set too low for banana ice cream. I'm often disappointed, as the majority of producers use clearly artificial banana flavoring. But The General Greene (named after THE General Greene of the original Fort Greene) make their ice cream in-house, and use real bananas. It was AMAZING. Delicious. Scrumptious. Literally, I licked the bowl. In public. That kind of good. So good that I asked them if they could pack a to-go bag of ice cream for me. (M. suggested I go to the nearby bodega, buy a gallon of regular ice cream and carve out a carrying case for my booty.)

Well, needless to say, I didn't get my to-go bag. But I can still taste that ice cream, and I will be back for more soon enough. Only this time, I might just skip dinner and get to the good stuff.

Make money, make money, money, money

2009-05-07T15:04:00.003-04:00

Man, they really can get away with anything in Germany, can't they? This is a commercial for BonTrust Bank. The agency created an entire 3-D world using banknotes from all over the world and origami techniques. Pretty cool. Also, crazy explicit - I don't think I can wash the image of Lincoln getting a plowchop* out of my brain. Also, Mao is a serious player.

*Imagine Arnold Schwarzenegger. Now imagine his accent. Now imagine him saying "blowjob." As in "Maria, I would like a plowchop tonight." Credit to Flappy Days' friend Tony S for sharing that with us.

R.I.P.: Dom Deluise

2009-05-05T12:46:00.004-04:00

Dominick "Dom" DeLuise passed away yesterday, and it makes me sad. Dom played a large (no pun or disrespect intended) role in my formative years as a consumer of pop culture. I remember him most fondly for two movies in particular: 1) his chummy portrayal of Victor Prinzim in Cannonball Run (and it's sequel "II") and as the crow Jeremy in the animated classic The Secret of Nimh.
At the time, the early 80's, he seemed to appear in almost everything that came to the screen (at least in my limited purview): the oft-forgotten, Dudley Moore biblical farce Wholly Moses!, The Muppet Movie, Smokey and the Bandit II (where he further cemented his relationship as Burt Reynold's on-screen best friend), Johnny Dangerously, Spaceballs and the movie for which he got most of his serious accolades, Fatso. Perhaps what I loved most about those movies were the outtakes at the end of the Cannonball Run movies, the first time time the curtain was ever pulled back from the Hollywood wizard for me. Dom always seemed to be having such a great time, I wanted to be a part of the fun.

Like Tim Russert and Scatman Crothers before him, I'll miss Dom DeLuise as if I had actually known him, and the world will be a little less funny without him. Rest in Peace, Mr. DeLuise.

Introducing the Q Drum - a New Way to Transport Water

2009-04-29T14:51:00.004-04:00

Behold, the Q Drum. This is a wonderful new innovation that is starting to be used in Third World nations to alleviate injuries of water-carrying women in those areas. See below for a short film that describes the invention in more detail. Bonus feature: music composed by Dave "Duke Mushroom" Schommer of Yoga Organix, friend of Flappy Days.

Happy Birthday to Us

2009-04-29T12:15:00.005-04:00

A year ago today, a blog was born (that would be us). It's been an interesting first year, marked by a variety of highlights, both on and off-blog. For example, I got married (off blog, thankfully). Also, Brosephus was so distraught about the closing of Jermaine Dupree's waffle house that he's been in hiding since August. (Actually, he's been hard at work on his other blog, an Atlanta-centric offering that we will not link to in an effort to maintain our flimsy anonymity).

I've read that the first sign of a blog's demise is navel-gazing and self-deprecation with regard to a lack of posting. So I'll only mention in passing that while we started strong, we've sort of fallen off the cliff with regard to regularity (64% of all of our posts were created in our first 2 months of existence). But it ain't about quantity, it's quality - right, People? We're the ones who brought you all sorts of Really Cool Things, wrote a few Movie Reviews, gave props to some "celebrities" who died, and reported on Facial Hair, among many other exciting topics. And don't forget our first scoop!

So, here's to us. May we live long and prosper. Happy birthday.

Mapping the Time it Takes to Get from Here to There (NYC Edition)

2009-04-22T12:56:00.002-04:00

Introducing TripTropNYC, a handy website that let's you plug in an address anywhere in the five boroughs of New York City and determine how long it will take for you to get anywhere else in the city. Pretty nifty. Between this, the MTA Trip Planner and Google Maps, I will never be late (or early) again.

News of the Bizarre: Fir Tree Grows in Man's Lung

2009-04-20T14:24:00.006-04:00

No, I did not find this in the Weekly World News, although there is a fascinating cover story there this week about a octopus-shaped UFO flying over Rio de Janeiro. No, this is a true story about a Russian botanist complaining of chest pains. Doctors thought he had cancer, but instead found a 5 cm FIR TREE GROWING IN HIS LUNG!! Daaaaayum, that's gotta hurt. The doctors theorize that since Artyom Sidorkin studied plants for a living, he probably inhaled (snorted? come clean Artyom, fir seeds are the hot new craze sweeping the central Russian steppe) a seed which took root in his lung. Since fir seeds need little light and only a moist environment to grow, PRESTO - chia lung! This next photo is not for the faint of heart.

Also, look at us go - three posts in one day. That's like the entire output of January. Whoohoo.

UFC 97: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

2009-04-20T13:57:00.006-04:00

[Spoiler Alert - here be spoilers]

I was really excited for UFC 97 this weekend - the main card (and undercard) were chock full 'o fights I was amped to see - Liddell/Rua, Silva/Leites, Quarry/Macdonald, Wiman/Stout, and especially the prodigal return of David "the Crow" Loiseau to lock horns with Ed "Short Fuse" Herman. Unfortunately, the event was a huge sad trombone for me. First, I purchased the PPV and had my DVR all set up (I miss TiVo.) Last night some friends came over to watch the event with the Wifey and I, and when we queued up the taped event, all we got was 15 hours of UFC promo material. After a frustrated call to DirecTV, I learned that UFC is no longer allowing PPV purchasers the ability to record their purchases. Bullocks! So, rather than let the night go to waste, I asked them to credit my account and purchase the event for that evening, which they did, except instead of HD they fed me SD. Ok, not that huge of a deal, but still annoying. Even more annoying is that we came into the event 1.5 hours in. This would have bugged me more, but the Wifey and I caught the first 3 fights at a bar the night before and they were all BORE-fests (including the Cheick Kongo fight. Snooze.)

We tuned in literally at the moment Shogun Rua put the lights out on Chuck Liddell's illustrious career, which would have been a little more exciting if we had at least seen the first 4 minutes of the fight. The rest of the evening wasn't much better. Not only did they not air the Quarry or Loiseau fights (boo), but the Silva main event was the most painfully boring 15 minutes I've spent in a long time. Leites was mercilessly outmatched, and spent most of the fight lying on his back like a gimp turtle, waiting for Silva to fall into his warm embrace. The one saving grace of the evening was the Wiman/Stout fight - both Stout and Wiman (who is really fighting the pretty, just accept your Abercrombie good looks, Matty!) put it all on the line and gave a really good show.

Eh, I guess there's always next time.

[Click to Enlarge]

I keed! I keed! Chuck Liddell is a great champion and deserves a lot of respect and admiration - happy retirement, Chuck!

Really Cool Things: Danny MacAskill, Bicyclist Extraordinaire

2009-04-20T13:53:00.004-04:00

The human ability to invent new things and to push the boundaries of excellence in those endeavors is a beautiful thing to behold. Exhibit A - Danny MacAskill, a rider with the Inspired Bicycles team of Edinburgh, Scotland. The video below really gets going around 0:45 and then proceeds for another 5 minutes of jaw-dropping awesomeness.

New York Past and Present

2009-04-16T14:20:00.006-04:00

Back in 2004, photographer Douglas Levere set out to find the New York City depicted in Bernice Abbot's Changing New York and highlight just how much had actually changed since the 1930s. I've posted below a sampling of what he found. If you like what you see, Levere's book (New York Changing: Revisiting Bernice Abbot's New York) is available on Amazon. You can also see more photos from the book at The Morning News.

Your Tax Dollars at Work

2009-04-16T14:12:00.003-04:00

Considering all the debate and discussion lately about taxes, spending, deficits, revenues, etc. etc., I thought it was mighty helpful of the good people over at Wall Stats to produce this visual breakdown of how much money the federal government brings in (revenues) and how much it doles out (spending), to whom and in what amounts. If you can't see the detail here, go over to the large size image on the Wall Stats site, it's pretty fascinating. Now that I see it broken down into such detail, the next question become pretty obvious - where would start cutting? Comments welcome.

Cool Advertising - "Checkmate"

2009-04-15T10:13:00.005-04:00

Generally, I'm not that interested in advertising. Most of the time, my internal filter completely blocks it out (when my TiVo isn't doing it for me). But sometimes, a great ad is worth noting. To wit:

[Hat tip: TheDanzaTap]

When Joaquin met Billy

2009-04-14T12:04:00.002-04:00

Via our friend Dan at MotionPhi, here is the long-lost interview between Billy Bob Thornton and Joaquin Phoenix you haven't seen yet:

Really Cool Things: World Builder

2009-04-10T14:28:00.003-04:00

First of all, if you're a new reader who found us because of the Busy Chef/Checker's linkage, welcome. We're not the most attentive bloggers around, so if you want updates, best to add us to an RSS feed rather than visit daily in the vain hopes that we've updated the blog. Chances are, we haven't (as you can see by the frequency of our postings).

The video below is called "World Builder". The description from Vimeo:

"A strange man builds a world using holographic tools for the woman he loves."

This award winning short was created by filmmaker Bruce Branit, widely known as the co-creator of '405'. World Builder was shot in a single day followed by about 2 years of post production. Branit is the owner of Branit VFX based in Kansas City.

It's short, it's sweet and it's damn cool. Enjoy.

Via Andrew Sullivan (like many of the cool things I come by in an average week).

Our First Scoop!! Checker's Restaurant Coming to Court Street

2009-04-06T08:44:00.005-04:00

For years after I moved to Downtown Brooklyn, the storefront at 111 Court Street was a boarded up former bar/nightclub. So, you can imagine my excitement when they started building out what would become Busy Chef (and also Blue Pig Ice Cream). Excitement quickly turned to disappointment when a) the food sucked and b) it turned out the owner was running an identity theft scam on his customers. Not cool, dude. That was last July, and the joint has been shuttered up ever since. Until now. A few weeks ago, it appeared that construction had begun for a new tenant. As I was walking to work this morning, the door was open and two men were looking over plans, so I asked them what was coming in. Ladies and gentlemen, your new neighbor is:

Checker's Restaurant

They also mentioned they'd be serving vegan burgers, although I don't see those listed on the corporate site.

So... Excited? Disappointed? Indifferent? Let us know. And remember, you heard it here first.

Really Cool Things: Kutiman's YouTube Video/Audio Album

2009-03-12T15:35:00.004-04:00

Once in a while, you see something so new and cool that you don't really know how to categorize it, how to wrap your brain around the experience. That's how I felt when I first saw ThruYOU last week, the debut "album" of seven "songs" by Israel artist Kutiman (born Ophir Kutiel). The project consists of seven tracks that Kutiman assembled over the course of a few months by dissecting and combining youtube videos of various music clips, a Capella performances, random images and sound elements, with the final tracks spanning a variety of genres. The result is something so fresh and new it has to be experienced to be felt. I've posted my favorite three below, but do yourself a favor and go to the website to see the others.

Mother of All Funk Chords:

I'm New:

Someday:

Enjoy!

Who Watches the Watchmen? I did.

2009-03-07T18:28:00.005-05:00

[SPOILER ALERT] These are my reactions to Watchmen. If you haven’t seen it, and want to, you might not want to read this. Also, I’m assuming anyone who reads this is familiar with the story, so there will no exposition of plot. Keep up. [/SPOILER ALERT]

Like the good comic book geek that I am, on Thursday I went to the midnight showing of “Watchmen”, along with every nerd and his mother in downtown Brooklyn. I went to the show with a group of college buddies, a few of whom had been responsible for me reading the comic in the first place, about which I later went on to write my undergraduate thesis. So, as you might expect, my expectations were high. Or at least they would have been if I hadn’t spent the last 9 months in near monk-like meditation keeping them at appropriately realistic levels. I figured that if I kept them low, I wouldn’t be too disappointed when Zack Snyder failed to achieve in a movie what Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons had achieved with the comic.

Well, he didn’t and I wasn’t. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t enjoy myself or that he completely missed the mark, because neither of those things are true. Anyway, without further ado, some of my thoughts on the movie:

All in all, I was really pleased with the casting. You can tell Snyder loves the book by how closely (in most cases) he tries to match actor to their source material. This is most notable in the casting of Moloch, played by Max Headroom (glad to see they let him out of the box to do some work). I also thought that Jeffrey Dean Morgan was a great choice for Edward Blake/Comedian – he looked the part and gave a pretty solid performance, and any failings in his ability to convey Blake’s nihilism I attribute to Snyder’s inability to direct actors. One nitpick (others to follow... I did write a fucking book about this thing, after all): his scar was impossible to see! It was there, but not distinguishable in most scenes from regular wrinkles/creases. This really bugged me for some reason. And in general, the make-up (notably, the old age make-up of Sally Jupiter and Janey Slater) was pretty sub-par, especially for a movie that dedicated itself so thoroughly to recreating as faithfully as possible the look and feel of the comic. What, did they run out of money in the budget from over-animating Bill Crudup’s little Smurf wang? (Actually, “little” is inaccurate. Doc Manhattan is swinging some serious pipe, and often – those dismayed by the lack of full frontal male nudity in films will be pleased with how often Big Blue appears on screen.)

I was very pleased with Billy Crudup and the rendering of Doc Manhattan, which was one of the more exciting aspects of the book brought to life. Of course, the real winner, and the guy everyone will be talking about, is former Bad News Bear Jackie Earle Haley as Rorschach, whose performance was phenomenal and without question the best of the movie. Really, he is probably the all around best part of the movie, which is apt because Rorschach is also the anchor of the book. And the animation of his mask was perfectly executed.

Probably my favorite bit of casting of the main cast was actually Patrick Wilson as Night Owl II. Sure, he could have been a bit flabbier, but in general I though he really captured Dreiberg’s look and pathos. And, with all of the other more discussion-worthy characters (for good or bad), I imagine he will get overlooked. As for Malina Akerman as Silk Spectre II, I was not nearly as bothered by her performance as many others seem to be. Visually, at least, I thought she was spot on and the slight tweak to her costume was an improvement over the original.

My real problem was Matthew (not so) Goode as Ozymandias. Not only did I think he was miscast based purely on physical appearance – Goode is young, thin, British and I think of Ozymandias as a much more imposing, Aryan, corn-fed, middle-aged, running back-sized dude – but his (Snyder’s?) choice to play Adrian as a fey, emo, arch supervillain seemed to really miss the mark, and in general every scene in which he appeared made me cringe. And because of his cartoon-evil approach, I felt like it was really no surprise when we “find out” in the end that he is the center of the conspiracy.

So, speaking of the ending, it should be discussed. There will be lots of ink spilled on this – was it a good change? a bad change? etc. – so, I’ll throw my two cents into the pot:

I understand why the change was made, I really do. Maybe the original ending was too “comic-y” or unrealistic and Snyder didn’t think audiences would relate to a giant squid. But was the change necessary? I’m not so certain. I think those who insist it *had* to be a giant squid miss the point – the important thing is that there is an alien threat, not what type of alien threat. The unintended consequence of the new ending is that by using Jon, instead of alien, it drains the moment of it’s impact, because instead of some extra-terrestrial danger that makes man see how much they have in common with one another, instead we have Jon, who is (or was) human. Using Jon instead of the squid also creates a dynamic that didn’t exist in the comic – now Doc Manhattan betrays his home country – and I don’t think it’s ever explained why he would do that. The more I think about it, they never really explain why those explosions are automatically assumed to be from Doc Manhattan or why they are immediately taken as malicious or punitively intended.

And for a film that certainly did not shy away from being graphic, I think the final scene without the mounds of dead bodies removes some of the human element from the finale that strikes the reader of the comic book so emotionally.

Part of this is due to our being so involved in the lives of the secondary characters in the book. Really, I didn’t have a problem generally with eliminating a lot of the secondary characters and subplots – I understand they would have made the film too unwieldy – but getting to know these other characters lends a weight and poignancy to the finale that is missing from the film. We have no connection to real people in the movie and so the finale has no human face to sympathize with, especially since we only see the destruction of New York City (more “New York destruction porn”. Interesting tho - they leave the Twin Towers standing, evidently in the fervent desire to avoid allusions to 9/11).

One last thought on the ending: by cutting that last scene with Adrian and Jon, where Adrian admits to Jon he’s not sure if he did the right thing, we are robbed of the guilt and uncertainty Adrian feels, which is so important to the book that they weave in the largely “unnecessary” pirate story just to drive the point home. Without that final scene, we are left with no possibility that his decision haunted him, just some evil scientist cackling in purple robes.

NITPICKS

Warning: here there be nitpicks. C’mon, you know I have some. If you don’t like them, skip to the next paragraph. As a general comment, in light of how faithful to the original work Snyder strived to be (even using the comic as an actual storyboard) I was a little confused about some of the minor changes he made. Like, why not have an older Captain Metropolis at the original Crimebusters meeting? Why leave the futuristic developments that Jon had brought about (smokeless tobacco, electric cars, etc. And the lack of electric cars makes the sign outside of Hollis’ shop a bit anachronistic). Why not have a dome for Karnak instead of the rectangular greenhouses that replaced it? Why not have Dan and Rorschach approach Karnak on those hover segways (or whatever they were)? The sugar cubes? The Nostalgia bottle? Why not put Jon’s picture at Gila Flats, rather than in a picture frame by Janey’s bed? If Snyder had such devotion to casting, why not get an older, beardless little person to play Big Picture? Why, in such an insanely (blissfully) faithful recreation of the first scene, leave out the Policeman’s great tag-on to Rorschach’s voiceover “and they have nothing to say….” – “That’s quite a drop”? Why change Adrian’s dialogue at the climax from “Do it?… I did it 25 minutes ago” to “Do it?…I triggered it 25 minutes ago” (see, I told you these were nitpicks) – that one minor change bled a lot of the impact out of what should be the biggest plot twist in the story. These little details seem like they would not have detracted at all from the casual viewer’s experience, but would have enhanced the viewing experience of the hard core fan. Are these minor deviations Snyder’s way of putting his own spin on things? Seems sort of a meager auteurial flourish.

One of the film's strengths is its thrilling frame-by-frame faithfulness. There were many moments of fan-boy joy. The downside of this devotion to the original work is that sometimes that faithfulness left me a little bit cold, like it lacked soul or something. On the one hand, it’s amazing to see some of these static images come to life – even little details like the blood splotch on the smiley face, which I loved. But as my friend Jake put it, this “slavish” devotion to imitation leaves one asking, “Is this just redundant?” Adaptations are supposed to evoke the source material, but they should also transcend them in their own media (think LOTR, Godfather, etc.), otherwise that “slavish” devotion to imitation ends up being solely a novelty, and lacks emotion (especially under Snyder’s not-so-subtle hand).

The big take-away is that Zack Snyder does have a great eye for image and action. But his strengths seem to end with respect to directing actors. For example, the timing and dialogue of Adrian’s “reveal” scene and also of Rorschach’s “face reveal” scenes were off and lacked impact. (A big problem for me, as these are two of the biggest emotional turning points or “big moments” in the book – and in the movie they fell flat.) I also think he could have directed both Rorschach and Doc M to be a bit more “normal” in their flashbacks” to highlight the detachment that both of them suffer over the course of the story. Nuance is one of the notable things that is lost by the removal of the secondary characters and a lot of the visual motifs that dominate the book. It was this nuance – not the plot, which, when broken down to its simplest forms is a pretty generic superhero/sci-fi fabula (which was part of the point) – that made Watchmen noteworthy.

In my wildest dreams, the movie Watchmen would have revolutionized film-making in ways similar to what Moore and Gibbons did with comic book story-telling; the potential was there to use film techniques to say something about film itself, and superhero movies in general. So, in that light, I thought there was a real missed opportunity. I thought there could have been a lot more use of over-lapping audio and images, like during Laurie and Dan’s fight (narrated partly by the television studio scene with Doc Manhattan in the book), or even using match cuts during the transition from present to past (and back) during the funeral scene or during Rorschach’s interview with the prison psychologist.

This missed opportunity is most evident in Doc Manhattan’s scene on Mars, talking about the past, which could have used inter-cutting between past and present scenes and voice-over dialogue to much, much greater effect. (Just on a dialogue level, I really missed the exposition of Einsteinian theory of time, i.e. the multi-faceted jewel that humans are only able to see one side at a time.) I also lamented the absence of the intertwining of Laurie’s flashbacks that lead to the gradual but (literally) shattering realization about Eddie Blake.

I was also a little bothered by what appear to be the character’s super-human strength and fighting ability. Sure, it lends itself to more exciting action, but what is interesting about the book (and part of what it explores), is that these are just real people doing these things. By making Adrian able to throw Dan across an entire room, or break granite with Blake’s head, or the Matrix-style martial arts expertise of all them seems to diminish that. Also, the fights were a bit more drawn out than was necessary. The excessive violence really did not add to the story, and seemed out of place most of the time – not just in its visceral and graphic presentation, but even vis-à-vis the characters who, with the exception of Rorschach, do not in the comic seem to be quite as sadistic, brutal or unforgiving. My problem with this is that the gratuity was not used to improve the story (in contrast, think: the ear in Reservoir Dogs, or the battle scenes in Braveheart and LOTR). And we all have the Wachowski brothers to thank for the extreme slo-mo, but seriously Zack – less is more. Ease up on that shit.

In general, the music choices were mostly poor and in the sex scene in the Owlship, downright laughable. I can’t really imagine any sex scene set to Leonard Cohen’s original version of “Hallelujah” not being something I would howl out loud at.

So, I’ve spent most of this time crapping all over the movie. But really, I did like it and so I’ll spend some space to talk about those things that worked. The opening credits were fantastic. They packed in a lot of background information into a short space in a fun way and to good effect. I thought it was a clever and well-executed way to establish the parallel alternate reality the characters needed to inhabit for the story to make sense.

And the special effects really were pretty stunning. The list is long: the Owlship was great. Rorschach’s mask was even better than I expected it would be (making it into cloth rather than two layers of latex was a great change for the better – but why no origin story for the mask?!) And the rendering of Doc Manhattan’s Mars Palace was magnificent.

The bottom line: flawed, not as good as the comic, fun, entertaining, visually innovative. Pretty much exactly what I expected. I would say that it is clearly the best adaptation of an Alan Moore book to date, but then again, that’s really not saying much.

Hurm.

R.I.P.: Joe "Peeler Man" Ades

2009-02-23T14:06:00.003-05:00

We're a couple weeks late on this one, but apparently Joe Ades, known by sight if not by name to most New Yorkers as "that snappy dressing English guy who sells carrot peelers," passed away on February 7th at the age of 75. Joe was one of those New York characters that everyone seems to know, sort of a better dressed version of Radioman. Not a lot was known about Joe, but evidently he made a mint off those $5 peelers - and God bless him, cause he seemed like a damn hard worker and a throwback to a former time. We'll end this post with a little video of some vintage Joe - wherever he is now, we hope he gets to kick back and let someone else do the peeling for a change.

Credit Crisis 101

2009-02-20T14:56:00.006-05:00

If you're like me, the last many months of economic news have been 1 part terrifying and 9 parts mystifying. Enter Jonathan Jarvis. He has explained the current credit crisis in a handy, simple to understand ~~flash~~ After Effects* animation. Enjoy:

*Thanks to Flappy Day's friend Dan, of the sadly long-defunct and awesomely-named "Abe Lincoln Was My Homeboy" blog for the short lesson in the difference between Flash and After Effects. We have been schooled.

2222 Toothpicks in a Beard

2009-02-18T17:29:00.002-05:00

Well, the title pretty much speaks for itself. The lengths that some people go to entertain themselves (and us!) is pretty intense, but I for one am happy that George made the effort. A bit wasteful, but entertaining nonetheless. Enjoy:

Understatement of the Century

2009-01-26T09:47:00.003-05:00

Granted, we're only 9 years in, but I think we have a frontrunner:

3D Porn to Revolutionise Industry

The article speaks for itself.

Brooklyn Yogurt Turf Wars - UPDATE!

2009-01-15T18:42:00.005-05:00

Well, that didn't take long. Remember back in August when we reported on the yogurt turf wars that were about to turn the streets of Brooklyn Heights and Downtown Brooklyn red with strawberry toppings? It appears that the first victim may have finally taken the fall - I was walking home today and noticed that Yogo Monster's lights were off and there was mail pushed under the door. Now, granted, it's cold as shit here in NYC today and no one in their right mind would want a frozen treat. BUT, it just had that "well, we gave it our best shot but now we're just waiting for those dudes to come strip the place before we put up the brown paper on the windows" look to it. Maybe it's the Darwinian economic way of saying "it's not wise to open a frozen yogurt place in the middle of the Fall." Then again, Red Mango is still around and they didn't open till November, so who knows. We will keep you updated. (Or I will keep you updated. Brosephus lives in Atlanta.)

R.I.P.: Ricardo Montalban

2009-01-14T16:50:00.003-05:00

It's too bad that the first official post of 2009 (and at the rate we're going, maybe the only post of 2009. Anyone still out there?) has to be an "In Memorium" post, but it's with a heavy heart that I must report that beloved actor Ricardo Montalbán has passed from this earth at the age of 88. He was best known (to me) first as the suave yet creepy host of the visitors to Fantasy Island, a show Brosephus and I were not allowed to watch (although we would sneak an episode in every once in a while, followed inevitably by months of nightmares. Score one for parental foresight.) and second as Khan Noonien Singh (Khan to his friends - and enemies), a villain on the television series Star Trek later to be revived as a villain in the Star Trek movies series, where his Wrath got top billing. I also have a fond early childhood memory of his soothing voice extolling the virtues of Corinthian leather. I hope wherever he is, he's still driving a Chrysler Cordoba. Farewell, Mr. Roarke. Say hello to Tattoo for us.

In 2009, the sky's the limit

2008-12-31T11:47:00.002-05:00

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Just some cool footage of a bunch of bat-shit insane dudes jumping from cliffs and darting around in flying squirrel suits to end 2008. May your 2009 be prosperous, healthy and unflappable. We will endeavor to post more often in the new year, I'm sure you are waiting with bated breath.

Quick Political Rant regarding our outgoing President

2008-12-24T12:00:00.003-05:00

In these waning days of the Bush Presidency, there is much discussion about what President Bush did wrong (too numerous to count) and what he did right (short, debatable list) during his presidency. The most oft trotted out defense of the Bush boosters (a rare breed indeed) is "well, you have to admit, at least he's kept us safe since 9/11." Except that there are two important problems with this idea.

1) "He's kept us safe since 9/11" - So, he gets a pass for NOT defending us before or on 9/11? Is this some kind of Presidential mulligan? He took office promising to keep America and its Constitution safe from harm - which on 9/11 and thereafter he failed miserably on both counts. Why is not held responsible for not keeping America safe during his *entire* Presidency? Anyone remember "Bin Laden Determined to Strike Inside America"??

2) You can't prove a negative - or the absence of proof is not proof of absence. Or something like that. What I'm trying to say is that these Bush defenders could just as easily say "But at least Bush has kept us safe from attacks from outer-space aliens since 9/11." Or "At least Bush has prevented Hitler from being cloned into a legion of the Peruvian army." Just because there have been no terrorist attacks on American soil since 9/11, that does not mean Bush prevented them (or that plots for these non-existent attacks existed at all). I'm not saying that law enforcement agencies, the CIA, the FBI, the NSA, the border patrol forces and the armed forces (etc.) have not been diligent or that security is up, but what are these supposed foiled plots from which we've been kept safe? Those shmucks in Florida? Or the pizza delivery guys in New Jersey? Really? Or is Bush being given credit he does not deserve for things that he did not do?

Comments welcome.

It's Official: Cooties are real!

2008-11-21T15:39:00.004-05:00

Scourge of the playground, terror of the sandbox. Cooties. (Aside: does everything in the world have a wikipedia page?) In some ways, cooties were the way most of us first understood the concept of communicable diseases - girls had cooties, and if you got too close, you would too. I don't remember if I ever knew what the symptoms of cooties were, or even the consequences of contracting the dread disease, but I did know they were real. Of course, like many other good childhood myths, the theory of cooties was debunked as adolescence dawned and mere proximity to girls was something for which we all strove, or agonized over even.

But now, modern science confirms what small children all over North America have known since the dawn of time: Cooties are real. Sort of. A recent study at the University of Colorado has proved that women have significantly higher numbers of microbes on their hands then men do. So the next time a child proposes some ridiculous idea that seems to stretch the boundaries of reality, don't be so quick to judge. And be careful whose hand you shake.

Hitler had one nut

2008-11-20T11:21:00.003-05:00

Do you remember this old day camp ditty?:

Hitler has only got one ball,
Göring has two but very small,
Himmler is somewhat sim'lar,
But poor old Goebbels has no balls at all.

Well, turns out this particular urban myth is true. Evidently, Shitler got injured during a battle in World War I, and got shot in the dick, or somewhere near there. He was saved by a German war doctor Johan Jambor (gee - thanks Jambor. Thanks A LOT), who in turn told his priest about the ball injury. So, even though it doesn't even come close to making up for all the horrific and terrible ways he soiled our world, I do derive a certain amount of schadenfreudic pleasure knowing that Hitler's testicle was exploded by an English bullet.

Happy Sandwich Day!!

2008-11-03T11:31:00.007-05:00

It all started with a card game, so the legend goes. One fateful night in 1762, John Montagu, better known to the world as the 4th Earl of Sandwich, was in the midst of an all-night card game when he felt a wave of hunger overtake him. Rather than sully his cards with the juice of his roasted beef, the right 4th Earl asked his servant to slap that meat between two slices of bread, and, lo and behold, the modern sandwich was born.

You may be wondering why I bring this up now. Well, in addition to November 3 being the day on which we celebrate the births of Adam Ant and Dolph Lundgren, today is also Sandwich Day - commemorating the birth of the 4th Earl of Sandwich and the invention of one of the greatest contributions to western cuisine in the last 1000 years (right next to SPAM and Cheez Wiz). How do you celebrate Sandwich Day? Easy - eat a sandwich, or four.

The origins of Sandwich Day are not easily traceable, even after a thorough Google search. But I have a pretty good idea when it started, because I was there when it happened. Flashback to the fall of 1993, Wesleyan University. I woke up, ate a sandwich and had the brilliant (brilliant!) idea to commemorate the inventor of my morning (1 PM) meal. And so I plastered the campus with posters exhorting my fellow hipsters-in-training (back then, the term on campus was "coolio", which I also claim to have coined, at least for that purpose. No disrespect to Coolio.) to take a sandwich by the hand and stuff it in their food-holes. In the 15 years since the founding of Sandwich Day, it's celebration has spread to all corners of the world.
So, in honor of the 15th anniversary of Sandwich Day, I hereby present my Top 8 Mos' Favoritest Sandwiches of All Time (in rough, but not exact order):

1. Chicken Parmigiana, Dina's, Middletown, CT (Dina's came under new management sometime in the last 10 years. The new owners make a decent, but not quite comparable sub)

2. Lamb Sandwich with onion marmalade, Alon's, Atlanta, GA

3. "Dagwood" style sandwich with Karl Ehmer's cole-slaw, Karl Ehmer's, Poughkeepsie, NY (now closed)

4. Turkey Sandwich, Love 'n Haight Sandwiches, San Francisco, CA

5. Shwarma sandwich, Shemesh Shwarma, Jerusalem, Israel (no longer serves shwarma - go figure)

6. Peanut Butter and Banana Sandwich

7. Egg Sandwich with Turkey Bacon and a Hash Brown on Toasted Biali, Jay Street Deli, Brooklyn, NY

8. "The Effron": turkey, muenster, tomato and grilled sweet onions, on rye, grilled on panini, 61 Deli, New York, NY (burned down in 2006)

Honorable Mention (because it's The Wifey's favorite): Roasted turkey, thinly sliced granny smith apples, cranberry sauce, and brie on spelt bread.

As you can see, at least half of these favorites are now just memories, but ah... what sweet memories they are.

So go ahead - eat a sandwich, and thank John the 4th Earl Montagu while you're at it.

Feel free to share your favorite sandwiches with us.

Louisiana + Vampires + Sex + Blues = Great Opening Credits

2008-10-12T22:19:00.005-04:00

Brosephus and I received an email from our mother, Momma Bear/Nostra Mater, today:

"Not a single entry in October, shame on both of you!"

I bet Arianna Huffington doesn't get emails like that from her mother, but then again, Arianna Huffington posts more often than 3x a month, so Momma has a good point. So, in the spirit of keeping this blog-thing alive (really, we never left, just life gettin' in the way and all that), let's get this party started again.

I've been watching the new HBO series by Alan Ball (of American Beauty and Six Feet Under fame). It's called True Blood and it's about a world (specifically, Louisiana) where vampires are real and they're coming out of the coffin to integrate themselves with society. Six episodes in, and I'm still not sold, although, to be fair to Mr. Ball, it probably took just as many episodes for me to get into Deadwood and Six Feet Under and both turned out to be two of my favorite television series ever - Six Feet Under actually one of my favorite works of art - period. So, I'm still giving it a chance. The one thing I *do* love about this show, however, are the opening credits. Even with my TIVO in hand, I refuse to fast-foward through them. Enjoy:

1st Annual Coney Island Beard and Moustache Competition

2008-09-08T15:15:00.006-04:00

The 1st Annual Coney Island Beard and Moustache Competition took place this past weekend at the Freak Bar, home of the Coney Island Sideshow. Despite driving rains courtesy of Big Frikkin Storm Hannah (that is official weather nomenclature), at least 20 or so contestants braved the elements to battle one another for glory and bragging rights.

Donny Vomit, MC of the Sideshow, was the organizer and put together the 6 Main and 3 additional categories: Best Beard (Styled), Best Beard (Natural), Best Moustache (Styled), Best Moustache (Natural), Best Sideburns (the guy in the picture at the top won that category. Go figure.) Best All-Around, Best Pornstache, Most Leprechaun-like and Most Creative Grooming.

The evening was complimented by a number of variety acts including Trixie Little and the Evil Hate Monkey, Heather Holliday swallowing swords, Adam the First Real Man doing magic and feeding people whiskey through a twizzler shoved through his nose and out his mouth, Donny Vomit doing the ol' nail through the nose bit, and a few others (including Old West bull-whipmeister extraordinaire Chris McDaniel. Yours truly was one of the competitors and took home the laudits for "Most Creative Grooming", although between you and me, I think I was robbed for "Best Overall". There's always next year.

Well, that cinches it

2008-08-26T09:24:00.003-04:00

Well, this is a game changer people. After months of speculation as to whom he would give his endorsement, Daddy Yankee - Latin Grammy award-winning reggaeton superstar - finally ended the guessing and endorsed John McCain for President. McCain can now sleep easier, as the Latina 12-18 demographic is locked up. I've also been waiting for Daddy Yankee to tell me whom to vote for, so it's a relief all around.

So So Closed

2008-08-25T10:07:00.003-04:00

Cafe Dupri, super producer Jermaine Dupri's ode to Applebees (or was it Friday's?) closed recently. Turns out that his So So Def Omelet and Triple Platinum Pancakes sold about as many units as girlfriend Janet Jackson's latest release, Discipline. Making a bad situation even worse, all the employees were stiffed on their final paycheck. Reports are that JD's Mom, the "CEO" of the restaurant, said something like "maybe if they all worked harder, we wouldn't have had to close." Seriously.

On a personal note, I ate breakfast at Cafe Dupri on the morning of my wedding, making it my "final meal" as a single guy. The eggs were so so. They were not def, unfortunately.

That's Gotta Hurt

2008-08-13T12:09:00.003-04:00

I've had the Olympics on in the background over the last few days, occasionally turning up the volume for various moments of glory. This particular moment was not one of them: Hungarian weightlifter Janos Barayai dislocated his shoulder during a clean-and-jerk attempt. Sort of like when Joe Theisman had his leg snapped in half by Lawrence Taylor, it's one of those videos you can't decide whether to watch over and over again or have your brain scrubbed immediately.

Although, I suppose it could have been worse:

He's still our President? Really?

2008-08-10T21:43:00.004-04:00

So I'm watching the Olympics tonight, and sandwiched somewhere in between the uneven bars and the floor exercise, I'm treated to a (President) Bush interview. Maybe it's because I've been more focused on the next President than the current President, or maybe it's because he's been a lame duck for, I don't know, the last seven years, but I had totally forgotten how uncomfortable his interviews are. Bob Costas asked him some serious questions about the Russia-Georgia conflict and Darfur... and instead of listening intently with that sober "you're asking me a serious question/people are dying/I'm the leader of the free world" look that you'd expect the President of the United States to have, the guy is smiling. Correction, grinning. GRINNING! I found this picture of him at a beach volleyball match, and I thought it was pretty appropriate...

In other Olympics news, did anyone catch the Opening Cermeonies? Pretty crazy. I also learned that English and French are the two official languages of the Olympics. I get English... but French?

And finally, is it just me, or is Tim Daggett the Scott Hamilton of gymnastics announcing?

ps. Sorry that this blog post has been straight out of the Larry King school of commentary. I know, I know.

Brooklyn Yogurt Turf Wars!

2008-08-06T15:22:00.006-04:00

Perhaps this post is best categorized under the label "things I couldn't possibly give a shit about since I don't live in Downtown Brooklyn." But a very interesting (to me at least) development is afoot in my neighborhood. I've lived in Downtown Brooklyn for a number of years now, and have watched as the 'nabe slowly received the gentrification attention that has been lavished on other previously, um, crusty Brooklyn neighborhoods like Williamsburg. Despite the introduction of about 5 bazillion (actual number) new banks and even the promise of a new Trader Joe's, the stretch of Court Street between Atlantic and Livingston Street has been slow to clean its act up and trade in bail bonds shops for some gourmet falafel stand (or whatever fancy restaurant marks the first wave of gentrification). Until now.

Within the next few weeks, not one, not two, but THREE new frozen yogurt shops will be opening within 6 blocks of each other. Of those, Red Mango and Yogo Monster (clever, fellas) will be within spitting distance of each other (especially if the spitter is Larry Piagrassi, legendary spit-distance champion from the Flappy Days brothers' days at Camp Androscoggin). This is, of course, good news for the wifey, and c'mon - who doesn't remember their first, delicious cup of that creamy, cold stuff that wasn't quite ice cream, not quite yogurt at their local mini-mall (probably down the hall from a Spencer's Gifts). But methinks what will be most exciting about this freak occurrence is the Darwinian battle these little shops will entangle themselves Who will be left standing? I'll keep you posted, likely 20 pounds heavier from a steady diet of "fat free" frozen, cultured goodness in a cup.

This blog thing is international

2008-08-04T17:31:00.003-04:00

Hello Flappy Days readers - I have returned from a month-long, pre-wedding/wedding hiatus. I am now a married man. I'll keep this don't-call-it-a-comeback post short, and just say that I've been reviewing the logs, and in my absence, we've had some new visitors from international hotspots Iran and Iraq. Welcome to the fun. We'll try harder to give you some daily content (or weekly - maybe I should under-promise and over-deliver, as my cousin and uncle advised me after listening to the vows I had written for the wedding).

Can't wait to see what happens the next time Obama exits a limo without wearing panties...

2008-07-30T14:14:00.003-04:00

The latest McCain ad features Paris, Britney.... and Obama. I guess this ad is targeted to the "I watch TMZ but quietly resent it and harbor negative feelings towards celebutard culture" demographic. Makes me yearn for simpler times, when politics focused on the more mainstream "soccer moms" and "Nascar Dads".

Where have you gone, Joe Dimaggio?

The most inattentive bloggers. Ever.

2008-07-30T13:16:00.002-04:00

Dear Readers,

Thank you for your patience. We've been really lazy as of late (with good reason), and haven't been paying enough attention to our dear blog. The good news is that as difficult as it seems to build traffic, it is to lose traffic. So to the half dozen of you that have been with us since the beginning, we salute you.

So as long as I'm copping to being lazy... what's one more half-assed post? Below, a picture that made me laugh. Enjoy...

An open letter to Jerry Rivers

2008-07-03T12:56:00.004-04:00

Dear Jerry,

We know that you're not aspiring to be Walter Cronkite.

We know what was in Al Capone's vault.

We know what happened to your nose back in the day.

We know that you made an ass of yourself in New Orleans and Afghanistan.

We know that you are on Fox News, after all.

But dude, come on. Running the video of the dead model's body? Even TMZ wouldn't do that...

Anyway, we hope you're having a good summer and The Hamptons, or wherever you're spending your holiday weekend, you crazy radical!

Regards,

Your Adoring Public

Caplickster: We Salute You

2008-07-01T14:31:00.005-04:00

Last week Los Angeles' Troubadour theater hosted the Los Angeles Regionals of the Cuervo Black US Air Guitar Championships. We here at Flappy Days happen to know one of the contestants, and considering our current readership, there is about a 10 in 16 chance that you do too: Justin Caplicki, otherwise known on the Air Guitar circuit as "The Caplickster." The Caplickster took the stage last week clad in a silver cod piece, gold epaulets, a t-shirt advertising "Backstage Passes" - and I'm guessing a party of some kind - in his pants, and strike-anywhere matches taped to his fingers for the great finale of his performance of Van Halen's (what else?) "I'm on fire". And as you can see, he was, literally on fire. That's dedication to craft, folks. Caplickster made it to the second of two rounds, and came in 4th overall out of a pool of 20 competitors. Not good enough to move on to the semi-finals, but good enough to get a mention in the LA Weekly Online and to cement his name in the minds of air guitar fans everywhere. We'll be keeping on this guy - he's going places.

Caplickster - We Salute You.

This day in Irony: Vitter and Craig tout "sacredness" of marriage

2008-06-27T13:36:00.007-04:00

On Wednesday, a group of Senators introduced a new Amendment to the US Constitution. No, this was not the long-hoped for "casual Fridays" amendment. This particular piece of legislation pertains to marriage, or more specifically, the desire to cordon marriage off like the velvet ropes of some *fabulous* club, allowing in - ironically, in the context of the metaphor - only straight couples.

Also ironic? That two of the resolution's are David Vitter and Larry Craig. Most of you know Larry Craig from his wide-stanced hijinx in the Minneapolis airport. Perhaps less well-known is Senator Vitter, who was part of the DC Madame scandal, a proprietor whose brothel services Vitter initially denied using... that is, until they found his phone records. Dumbass.

Perhaps the text of the amendment should have been edited to read: Marriage in the United States shall consist only of the union of a man and a woman (and that man's whore(s) and/or anonymous male bathroom sex partners).

Really Cool Things: An adjustable skyscraper

2008-06-25T18:24:00.003-04:00

Last week, an Italian architect with a decidedly un-Italian name (David Fisher) announced to the world his plans to build in Dubai (where else?) an 80-story skyscraper with the unique distinction of being the world's first "building in motion." Evidently, the floors will be built around a solid cement core, and each floor will have the ability to twist around the core using wind turbines, giving residents ever-changing views of the Persian Gulf and the ridiculously awesome (and ever changing) Dubai skyline. Oh yeah - and turning floors will constantly alter the shape of the building itself, as illustrated above. The best part is that you can get a 1,300 square foot unit for only $4,000,000. Sign me up!

The Spur Posse ain't got shit on these gals!

2008-06-19T17:35:00.010-04:00

Back in my day, the symbols for teen sex gone wrong were a group of dudes out in Lakewood, California that called themselves the Spur Posse. The group was comprised of about 20 guys that competed with one another to see who could have sex with the most girls. The champ claimed to have bedded a grand total of 66.

When asked to describe the girls that the Posse rounded up, a classmate described them as "not the prettiest", which was probably an understatement. I can't imagine that Client #66 was a study in high self esteem.

Speaking of high self esteem...

I've been thinking about the girls in Gloucester, Massachusetts that made a pact to have babies together. By now you've probably read about them. There are 17 expecting mothers, none over the age of 16. Sad.

One of them was impregnated by a 24 year old homeless man. Really sad.

How do you tell your friends that the baby daddy is the guy who lives behind the Grand Union? I mean, really? How does that go down? Do you actually tell them the truth, or do you just tell them that the dad is Steve Sanders?

In somewhat related news, mazel tov to Jamie Lynn Spears (who, at 17, is older than all 17 of the mothers-to-be in Gloucester) on the birth of her baby girl.

Throw another shrimp on the barbie, fatass.

2008-06-19T08:24:00.005-04:00

Good news, my fellow Americans: those fun loving, perpetually backpacking Australians are fatter than we are!

A report titled "Australia's Future Fat Bomb" claims that Australia's got a higher proportion of "husky" citizens (that's my word, not theirs) than America does. Out of 21 million citizens, 9 million are considered obese.

Below is a picture of a chicken sandwich from the Australian version of Burger King, Hungry Jack's. Looks like our friends down under have definitely acquired the taste for ridiculously large portion sizes...

Facial Hair: Why should gay men have all the fun?

2008-06-18T13:59:00.005-04:00

After reading Brosephus' post below about the Navy pilot who was asked to trim his handlebar moustache, I realized that there have now been 3 postings on this site about facial hair, and none were written by me. This distressed me, because although Brosephus has been known to grow a full beard from time to time, I am the resident pogonotrophe. Considering the fact that I've been able to grow a full beard since I was about 12 years old (unfortunately, that is not a typo) and have amused myself cultivating my facial hair in a variety of ways since, I have yet to throw my two cents in on the whole "beard" phenomenon. Until now.

I read an article years ago in which Tim Allen (yes, that Tim Allen) suggested that in the age of women's liberation, that growing beards was one of the last thing men could do exclusively (a few stray whiskers, or Frida Kahlo-style lip hair do not count. Jennifer Miller, probably the most well-known "bearded lady" does count, but she and her sistren are the overwhelming exception to what I'm talking about.) I remember looking at photos of men from the civil war and early part of the 20th century and thinking that we had lost something culturally when men started shaving their entire faces, all the time. As a kid, I used to read a comic book called Elfquest, and the male characters, upon reaching adulthood, all developed their own distinctive facial hair (without needing to shave) - it represented to me the ability of men to make themselves unique from other men.
In the modern age, it has seemed (at least until recently) that facial growth, especially unique growth departing from standard beards and van dykes, was the almost-exclusive province of gay men in general and bears specifically. This trend appears to be changing, as more and more men (straight and gay) rediscover the joys of facial hair, and not just during the winter months or in Williamsburg. I've started taking informal polls as I ride the subway to work each day, counting dudes with facial hair and those without - we (I'm currently sporting a Balbo, and the wifey-to-be happens to prefer me in a beard) outnumber the clean-shaven every time. So maybe this is the beginning of a new era for male facial hair and creativity. To paraphrase the end of the Passover seder, "next year at the World Beard and Moustache Championships!"

Why can't they all just adhere to "The Goose" standard?

2008-06-16T18:54:00.008-04:00

Heard a great story this afternoon on NPR. A British pilot, on an exchange posting with the US Airforce, was asked to trim his handlebar moustache. Seems that our flyboys have to comply with some sort of moustache ordinance that limits the size of their 'stache, and the handles on Chris Ball's moustache violated the guidelines by an inch or so. Seriously. Check it out:

Ball was basically told that he needed to grow a 'stache more like Goose. See below:

Ball appealed to his superiors- and long story short- is allowed to keep his tribute to The Caplickster in place.

The real reason why the U.S. is falling behind in math and science

2008-06-16T18:02:00.008-04:00

Every couple of months we read about how America's youth are falling far behind their international counterparts when it comes to math and science. The experts keep trying to figure out why this has happened, and how they can reverse the trend.

Finally, some answers:

BTW: This poll was commissioned by Counterpoint: The MIT-Wellesley Journal of Campus Life (whose staff, I'm guessing, is much more Chemistry/Mathematics than they are Studio Art), and comes to us via Pushback. Just last week, MIT announced that they were abandoning their sixteen year partnership with Wellesley and pulling out of the academic journal. They're heading over to BU to get laid.

R.I.P.: Tim Russert

2008-06-13T16:12:00.003-04:00

Tim Russert died today at the young age of 58. I remember the first time a celebrity death affected me as deeply as if I knew the person personally - it was when Scatman Crothers passed away. Well, it's happened again - maybe it's because I was a big fan of Russert as a journalist, or maybe it was because he was one of those news celebrities who you see so often that they start to feel like family. In any case, I'll miss him.

Rest in peace, Mr. Russert.

Veal Loaf Nostalgia

2008-06-12T22:36:00.007-04:00

So my brother's comment regarding Veal Loaf brought back some fantastic memories. We used to go to a place called Karl Ehmers, which was essentially a giant German delicatessen. When you think of delis, you usually think of Jewish or Italian delis. You know, either hanging salamis or hanging Prosciutti. Not Karl Ehmers. Karl Ehmers had wursts of every variety. Bratwurst. Tirolerwurst, Bierwurst, Serenaaltschulwurst. If you Google wursts, Karl Ehmers is still number one.

But I digress...

I learned to love Veal Loaf before I learned to love soda milk. I had no idea what it was, nor did it ever occur to me that there was anything strange about Veal coming in Loaf form. All I knew was that it was always warm (despite the fact that it came from a cold deli case) and it tasted great with ketchup on wheat bread.

Tonight I looked up a recipe for Veal Loaf. Here goes:

Chopped Veal, Powdered Cracker, Butter, Mace (which evidently is a spice similar to nutmeg), Egg, Chopped Pork, Salt and Pepper.

Thoughts?

P.S. Karl Ehmer closed down the farm years ago and sold the land to a developer. They built pretty typical tract housing, featuring starter homes with no basements. Word was that there was some concern that the land might be infected with Anthrax.

Other items found in our house circa 1985

2008-06-11T16:00:00.007-04:00

I'm not going to deny what my brother wrote earlier. It was all true. The Diet Coke, the Soda Milk, the People Magazine. If Doc Brown showed up with the Delorean and offered to bring you back to our childhood home, you'd find that those were all pretty typical items at the crib on Walnut Hill.

Here are some of my favorites from back in the day:

Five Alive- you don't see this much, but it used to be one of my drink boxes. That and Crantastic.

(Diet) Canfield's Chocolate Fudge Soda- I always thought it was pretty gross, but for some reason there always seemed to be a couple cans in the pantry. Maybe because no one ever wanted to drink it.

Freihofer's Chocolate Chip Cookies- Greatest chocolate chip cookies ever. And sadly, very unavailable South of the Mason Dixon line.

Stouffer's Macaroni and Cheese- Unbelievably good frozen macaroni and cheese. So good, that when The Barefoot Contessa's recipe for Mac 'n Cheese didn't work out as planned at Thanksgiving a couple of years ago, Mom substituted Stouffer's. Everyone loved it (especially me, who knew at bite one what I was eating).

Eating Out With Jen Bablow

2008-06-11T15:36:00.004-04:00

Last night I had the pleasure of dining with an old friend. Let's just call him Jen Bablow. Bablow, who beginning today is assuming the post of Assistant to the Chicago Bureau Chief (just for reference, the Chicago Bureau Chief position is currently held by Delicious E.), admitted that he's not a regular visitor to this site. He said the chief reason was that he wanted to read about people he knew, not celebrities. Jen asserted that if Flappy Days started covering, say, him, traffic would go through the roof. I'm dubious, but just in case Bablow's correct, here are a few nuggets on the newest member of the Flappy Days family:

1. He loves Hugh Grant movies. He'll go by himself if he must. In particular, he really enjoyed Notting Hill. I think he was disappointed by Mickey Blue Eyes, but who wasn't. I never saw it myself- I protest anything that degrades James Caan any further (which includes anything featuring Scott Caan not called Varsity Blues).

2. One of his favorite all time songs is Funky Nassau, from everyone's favorite sequel, Blues Brothers 2000. Listen to it here.

3. Bablow self-diagnosed himself lactose intolerent. He figured this out years ago after dining at Gino's East in Chicago. Unfortunately, this was after consuming a pizza that looked like this:

If you'd like to know more about Bablow, or have stories of your own, please feel free to comment.

US Weekly vs. People Magazine: class versus trash?

2008-06-11T13:02:00.005-04:00

I'm not embarrassed to admit that Brosephus and I grew up with People Magazine and Diet Coke (and television - lots and lots of television). Our mother loved Diet Coke and People Magazine, ergo, so did we. Before you call child services, you should know that for the first 8-10 years of our life, that Diet Coke would be consumed as "Soda Milk" - milk and soda mixed into one delicious beverage, the idea for which our mother may or may not have gotten from watching "Laverne and Shirley". I never actually bought a People subscription for myself (I don't have a desperate need to learn Al Roker's diet secrets or Roma Downey's cruelty-free make-up regimen), but I do happily flip through them anytime I'm back at the homestead. People really was the forerunner of the current crop of celebrity tabloids, but I never felt quite as disgusted as I do after reading a People as I do after reading, say, US Weekly. Some friends and I were discussing why this might be, and I suggested that it was because People balanced out all of their trashier celebrity tabloid pieces with a handful of human interest stories in every issue. For every article on Kate Hudson's latest romantic betrayal, there was one about a mom in Indiana who miraculously saved her toddler by lifting a 18-wheeler with her bare hands. You know, a little uplift to offset the depressing "downpull" of celebrity navel gazing. The wifey-to-be treats US Weekly like crack, and enjoys the sick thrill of a magazine completely bereft of human interest. I was trying to quantify how I felt about it all and came up with this: US Weekly is People's whorey little sister.

Seems pretty close to the mark.

Memo to McCain: It's actually a series of tubes

2008-06-10T11:52:00.003-04:00

At a recent stop on his campaign, Senator McCain was asked about his vice presidential search. He replied: "You know, basically it's a Google. What you can find out now on the internet - it's remarkable." Senator McCain, with all due respect, if you hope to win the youth vote, you're going to have to stop adding extraneous "a"s and "the"s in front of commonly used modern words. And yes, it *was* remarkable how much information could be found on the intertubes... in 1998. Now - not so remarkable. Of course, we're not electing a Technologist-In-Chief, but c'mon now - does this guy not have advisors to warn him away from such gaffes?

R.I.P.: Jim McCay

2008-06-09T13:13:00.002-04:00

Of the two balding brothers here at Flappy Days, I am clearly the one less interested in sports. (Case in point - I have absolutely no idea what or whom Brosephus is talking about in the post below.) This has started to change in the last couple years as I've developed a taste for bloodsports (specifically, MMA, and more specifically, the UFC), but throughout our childhoods, it was always Brosephus who collected baseball cards, who watched Monday Night Football with our college-football-playing (and coaching) father, and who read the sports pages (I was much more interested in...anything else). I still get surprised credit from him when I bust out obscure sports knowledge whose source is a mystery even to me (pulled out of my ass, most likely. Although, the fact that I know that Jaromir Jagr used to play on the Penguins lost its luster, oh, about 7 seven years ago).

So it's really saying something when an icon of the sports world dies and I actually recognize them. Jim McKay passed away last week, and the world will forever be richer for his oft-quoted formulation: "the thrill of victory, the agony of defeat."

Rest in peace, Mr. McManus.

Prince and Sally O'Malley now have something in common

2008-06-09T11:05:00.004-04:00

Once in a while, a celebrity birthday really puts one's own mortality into perspective. Last week, Prince turned 50. Before you know it, the Olsen twins will be shilling for Depends. Life moves fast.

Introducting Garth Breen, Mike Breen's Evil Twin

2008-06-06T19:23:00.008-04:00

For me, Game 1 of the 2008 Final's wasn't so much about the return of the Celtics-Lakers rivalry as it was about Mike Breen's goatee. Why did I not notice this? I feel like I've watched my share of the NBA Playoffs, and yet here we are in Game 1 and I had on idea that Breeny was sporting chin music.

Check out the before and afters, they remind me very much of Michael Knight's evil twin brother Garth Knight (propers to Chuckles on his epic Halloween costume back in '96) from Knight Rider:

It left me a little stunned, actually. Why would a broadcaster choose to grow such weak-ass facial hair on the verge of calling one of the biggest (from a ratings standpoint, at least) NBA Finals of all time? Does he think it makes him look more mature, perhaps maybe even a little more dangerous?

I'll always have much love for Mike Breen. The last time the Lakers and Celtics met in the Finals, Mike was the voice of the Marist Red Foxes, who at the time were my favorite college basketball team . While Larry and Magic duked it out on the main stage, Breen was calling Rik Smits and Drafton Davis' names for local cable access.

Not Funny: Senate report finds Bush administration used information it knew was false

2008-06-05T16:33:00.003-04:00

Not everything is fun and games here at Flappy Days. But this is something that you should know:

The Senate Intelligence Committee issued a Phase II report today on the Bush administration's use (or misuse, as they case appears to be) of intelligence in the lead up to the Iraq War. You can read the report here. The bottom line is something that most people I've talked to suspected even as it was happening: in presenting their case to invade Iraq, Bush White House officials repeatedly misrepresented the threat posed by Sadam Hussein's regime. Now, I'm not a hysteric (really, I'm not), but can someone explain to me why a single-sentence lie under oath about a blow job rises to an impeachable offense, but "misrepresenting" facts that lead the country into a mega-multiple billion dollar war with thousands of American, and tens, if not hundreds, of thousands of Iraqi casualties is not?

Seriously.

Pet Peeves: People who never take off their bluetooth earpieces

2008-06-05T10:37:00.005-04:00

I know I'm not the first, and I probably won't be the last person to gripe about this modern phenomenon. Hell, type "douchebag bluetooth earpiece" into google, and you get over 10 pages of results. I think what bothers me most is that I can't figure out if these dudes (and it's almost exclusively dudes) keep these things in their ears at all times because they think it makes them look important or cool, or if they legitimately expect to a receive a call AT ANY MOMENT. I mean, I can see how they would be useful in an office, or if your hands are full, but wearing them all the time - even in restaurants? It just doesn't make sense. Can someone explain it to me? Nah, don't bother, this is one pet peeve that won't go away.

You're not my boo, boo

2008-06-04T15:41:00.005-04:00

Last night, the wife and I were watching Anderson Cooper and his gang of political retreads talk about Obama and Hillary for the umpteenth time (do they ever get tired of one another?). Nothing else was on, and we were keen on seeing what HD would do for Jeffrey Toobin's complexion. Anyway, out of nowhere, Anderson Cooper and Donna Brazile had a little "moment":

Mildly amusing.

Here's the abusively self-serving part: It's a top headline on CNN.com today! Sandwiched in between "Clinton should be veep, Obama urged" and "Ticker: Unity ticket 'worst mistake' says Carter", Yar she blows: "Anderson Cooper 'you're not my boo'".

I'm not naive enough to think that the recent calamities in Myanmar and China still warrant homepage coverage, but is this the best that CNN has to offer? There's a huge runoff election in Zimbabwe coming up, and oh yeah, there's still that "conflict" in Iraq (amongst other seemingly more important current events). Our friends at CNN, perpetually wondering how Fox News managed to steal their lunch, figured that this is what everyone wanted read about today.

Oh yeah, there was also a headline about naked photos and teens as well as one about a nine year old boy duct-taped to his chair.

Someday, it'll be a great story for the grandkids...

2008-06-04T09:17:00.005-04:00

A mooning gone horribly wrong has resulted in "deep wounds to the derriere." Evidently, a 21 year old Dutch man thought it would be funny to moon patrons at a restaurant in Utrecht. What he didn't count on was that either a. the restaurant's window was made of very fragile glass or that b. he was pushing his fat ass much too hard against said fragile glass. Either way, kudos to whoever wrote the headline over at MSNBC for showing some restraint, as well as to me for not utilizing a more profane image to convey the tragedy of this mishap.

West Virginia: Not Just For Incest Anymore!

2008-06-03T10:22:00.006-04:00

Major props to Darth Vader for today's line of the day. From today's AJC:

Talking about his family roots and how he's distantly related to Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama, the vice president noted that he had Cheneys on both sides of his family.

"And we don't even live in West Virginia," Cheney quipped. "You can say those things when you're not running for re-election."

Now that they're not running for re-election- or as Scott McClellan called it- "constant campaigning", I wonder what other golden nuggets we might get from the administration over the next six months.

Selfishly, I'm just glad Cheney didn't say something like "And my family's not even from Bialystock" or "And we weren't from a schtetl either".

More strange news from Japan

2008-06-02T16:58:00.005-04:00

Why does all the strangest stuff come from Japan? First, Super Pii Pii Brothers, and now this:

A Japanese man puzzled by food mysteriously disappearing from his refrigerator got a shock when he discovered a woman had been living in his home for months without permission, police said today.

If you're wondering how someone doesn't know that another person is living in their home - for months - evidently, some this nutjob snuck into the dude's home and set up a mattress in one of his closets. (I guess it was one of those closets he didn't use very frequently.) The best part is that not only had she been doing this on and off for over a year, but:

Police suspect she might have been closet-hopping, moving from house to house.

Closet-hopping! That's pretty classic. During high school, a friend of mine made a temporary home in our pool house (without our knowledge) during one particularly cold winter, but closet-hopping - that's a new one. And what's with the Japanese newspaper in the beginning of the video for Rockwell's paean to paranoia? Was he psychic or something?:

UPDATE: Just to be fair, Rockwell is not the only paranoid hitmaker of the '80s. For your viewing pleasure:

I would have lost just for comedy's sake

2008-06-02T16:38:00.003-04:00

I'm kind of fascinated with spelling bees. Not just because I had my own trauma inducing run-in with the craze that's sweeping the nation. (Full disclosure: In 3rd grade, I went out on the word "magician." If I remember correctly, I spelled it m-a-g-i-t-i-a-n. Like you care.) But I also loved the movie Spellbound (not be confused with the Alfred Hitchcock classic), which follows the lives of eight teenage Nerds (with a capital N, and applied lovingly a group I consider myself a part of) as they cram and cry and crack in preparation for the 1999 season of the Scripps National Spelling Bee. The other night, the wifey-to-be and I were flipping around, and found the finals of the Bee airing. They were just coming back from commercial break, and the announcer said something like, "And the kids tonight have had to spell words like "Numbnut."" Whaaaa'?! I seriously replayed those 3 seconds, like, 20 times to see if my ears deceived me. Then I busted out my dictionary (yes, they still make those) and searched for a word that, you know, SOUNDED like numbnut, cause I just couldn't believe they'd make the kids spell that. Nothing. Internet search - nothing. I went to bed certain that next year's crop of nerdlets would have to spell "Dickwad." Then I found this:

Phew.

Multiple Affairs v. MMA

2008-06-02T13:41:00.008-04:00

For those of you who got their first taste of Mixed Martial Arts this weekend, welcome. CBS' presentation of EliteXC wasn't exactly what I'd call a typical night of MMA. A normal UFC card, for instance, usually doesn't feature skanky dancers, guys getting their Cauliflower Ears busted, or female fighters. To sum it up, not your father's MMA.

Unfortunately, viewers in Greensboro, NC, didn't have the option of tuning in to the broadcast. "We have concern for the content in CBS' EliteXC," said David Briscoe, Program Director for WFMY. Instead, the CBS affiliate televised a 1992 made-for-TV movie called "Getting Up and Going Home," which stars Tom Skerritt as a divorced attorney who copes with his mid-life crisis by having multiple affairs.

Not only am I not making this up, but I cut and pasted the last part directly from the LA Times.

At least this time Sex triumphed over Violence.

ps. Did anyone else notice that Kimbo Slice's chest hair seems to be much more grown in on the left side? I found myself entranced by the unbalanced pattern...

Just like it used to be...

2008-05-31T17:38:00.004-04:00

Flappy Days salutes the Lakers and Celtics. Thanks for bringing back memories from when I first fell in love with basketball.

Have you seen me lately?

2008-05-31T17:32:00.004-04:00

Please respond in the comments section if you know who this is.

Sweet and Sour Chicken is gross.

2008-05-31T17:22:00.004-04:00

Not much more to say about this. I've never understood the appeal of this dish. I know it's fried, which in theory makes it a winner, but I've always found Sweet and Sour Chicken to be completely unappealing.

Fried chicken in red goop. I'd rather eat Chop Suey, which is gross and unexplainable in its own right.

Thanks for bearing with me. I've needed to get that off my chest for a very long time.

News of the Obvious

2008-05-30T07:58:00.006-04:00

Dancing with the Stars is one of those shows - like Murder She Wrote, Matlock, and JAG before it - that (supposedly) millions of people watch but that I have never seen even a microsecond of (really. This is not like me saying "ooh, I would never watch Flavor of Love.") But I am pop-culture savvy enough to have a general idea of what the show is about. The premise is fairly clear from the title - a group of "professional" dancers get paired with a gaggle of non-dancer "celebrities" (Cristian de la Fuente anyone? No? How 'bout Marissa Jaret Winokur? Ok, moving on...), and attempt to impress a bunch of whiny judges for fame and glory (fame and glory sold separately. especially fame.). David Hasselhoff may or may not be one of those judges - I'm losing track of the fine selection of talent shows we now have to choose from. In any case, last night, while waiting for my TIVO to eat all the commercials in the season finale of Lost before we watched it, my wifey-to-be and I put E! Channel's "The Soup" on for some background, and there I learned that Kristi Yamaguchi was the winner of this season (the 6th!!) of DWTS. Yes, Kristi Yamaguchi the world class, gold-medal winning FIGURE SKATER. For those who have never watched the Winter Olympics, figure skating consists of people dancing...ON ICE. So, you tell me that Kristi Yamaguchi danced better than Adam Corolla, Penn Jillette and Steve Guttenberg (yes, that Steve Guttenberg)? Well, bless my stars, ain't that a kick in the pants. Marlee Matlin was robbed.

The only man in America with less credibility than O.J.

2008-05-29T18:54:00.004-04:00

Because he hasn't brought enough shame to his name, everyone's favorite wide-stancer Larry Craig is penning a tell-all about his run-in with a Minneapolis bathroom stall.

So sayeth the shepherd:

"There will be a bit of what's happened in the last year, and the way it evolved," Craig said. "I think that's important for Idaho and those outside Idaho who are interested to know."

Some advice, Mr. Senator: We already know what happened. We don't need to read about it in a book. It's called a 24 hour news cycle, and in your case I think we're well past spin. It's time for you to start trying to not tell people what "really" happened. Seriously. Ask Ted Haggard about it- the sooner you stop telling us, the sooner we'll forget about you and get back to talking about high gas prices, Hillary's delusions of grandeur, or maybe even Lindsay Lohan's budding relationship with Samantha Ronson. We've got a really short attention span and most Americans are probably more concerned with the fact that Idaho actually gets two Senators than that one of them has a wider stance than Carlton Fisk on the toilet.

Wha' Happened?

2008-05-29T13:57:00.005-04:00

So by now, we've all heard about former White House flak Scott McClellan's new book "What Happened." I found this nugget of particular interest (see Raw Story for the whole story):

The book recounts an evening in a hotel suite "somewhere in the Midwest." Bush was on the phone with a supporter and motioned for McClellan to have a seat. "'The media won't let go of these ridiculous cocaine rumors,' I heard Bush say. 'You know, the truth is I honestly don't remember whether I tried it or not. We had some pretty wild parties back in the day, and I just don't remember.'""I remember thinking to myself, How can that be?" McClellan wrote. "How can someone simply not remember whether or not they used an illegal substance like cocaine? It didn't make a lot of sense."Bush, according to McClellan, "isn't the kind of person to flat-out lie.""So I think he meant what he said in that conversation about cocaine. It's the first time when I felt I was witnessing Bush convincing himself to believe something that probably was not true, and that, deep down, he knew was not true," McClellan wrote. "And his reason for doing so is fairly obvious — political convenience."

Eventually, the Right will get tired of excoriating McClellan for his lack of loyalty. I wonder how they'll see this passage once the smoke clears. Will they judge George the same way they did Bill for his claims of "not inhaling", or will the message just die with the messenger? Either way, every time I hear or see the title of this book I think of Fred Willard's character "Mike Fontaine" from A Mighty Wind. I wish McClellan had titled his book "Wha' Happened" rather than "What Happened".

Oh, one more thing: as someone that went to school "somewhere in the Midwest", I'm a little offended that the best McClellan could offer as to the location of the conversation was simply "somewhere in the Midwest." Show the Midwest some love Scotty Boy! There's a big difference between Midland, Michigan and Manitowac, Wisconsin. I think.

Enjoy yourself some "Wha' Happened" below...

Critic's Corner: Indiana Jones and the zzzzzzzz.....

2008-05-29T12:50:00.003-04:00

Meh. That's about the level of enthusiasm I can muster for this one. Sure, some good chase scenes, special effects, an occasional witty zinger from Indy, but in general I was underwhelmed. Rent any of the first three to see a better movie. See this one if your jonesing (no pun intended. ok, kind of intended) for nostalgia must be quenched, or if you have a crush on Shia the Beef (my favorite is his Oscar-worthy work in "Holes").

Can Harrison Ford go back to playing presidents now?

Ich bein ein Soccer Mom...

2008-05-28T10:23:00.003-04:00

My car is in the shop, so I'm driving a rental today. Perhaps because they knew that I had a bag full of orange slices and a thermos of iced tap water (do kids today bring thermoses of water to sporting activities, or has Smart/Vitamin Water claimed their innocence yet?), the good folks at Enterprise hooked me up with a pimptastic Mazda5. For the uninitiated, it is a mini-van.

See below to understand where I'm at right now:

I've never felt lamer.

Narcissus ain't got sh*t on this guy!

2008-05-27T22:33:00.010-04:00

Erik Nordenankar, Swedish student, artist, footballer and Matthew McConaughey look-alike claims to have drawn the world's largest self-portrait. According to Nordenankar, he collaborated with DHL by giving them a suitcase armed with a GPS tracker and detailed travel instructions for a 55-day, 110,000 kilometer journey through 62 different countries (known in the art world as the "biggest. waste. of fuel. ever.") Environmental travesty and massive ego implications aside, this might have been a pretty cool project (in theory), had it not been a hoax. Or what those Madison Avenue-types like to call "an advertisement." Yes, despite a somewhat-convincing video of the project (plus flight logs and DHL package slips supposed to represent the entire journey), and fawning media coverage, Nordenankar has admitted that the entire project was a work of fiction and art-school project (in addition to being a pretty nifty PR stunt for DHL).

"A" for effort, Erik.

And just cause I can:

R. Kelly Redoo-doo

2008-05-27T14:23:00.005-04:00

Big thanks to our Chicago Bureau Chief Delicious E. for forwarding this video. It's the perfect paean to R&B's favorite pee-on.

Update: Evidently, someone at YouTube doesn't like remixes of scatological R. Kelly parodies. But I love Brosephus' play on the words paean and pee-on, so we're going to leave this post up anyway.

Osama Bin R. Kelly

2008-05-26T15:11:00.002-04:00

My brother recently posted about water sports. Considering the golden shower of charges that R. Kelly currently faces (including golden showers), I thought it was appropriate to address his ongoing trial. So I started googling around to find out what the story is. That's what bloggers do, evidently. They decide what they're going to blog about and then they google around. It's kind of fun. Anyway...

By now you're wondering why I chose title this post using both R. Kelly and OBL's names. What does R. Kelly have to do with Osama Bin Laden? Here's how R. himself answered that question back in a 2003 interview:

"Bin Laden is the only one who knows exactly what I'm going through".

Wow.

So, let me get this right:

One guy has been running from justice for about seven years, dodging into caves in search of a dialysis machine. When he gets a chance, he makes a video.

The other guy has been running from justice for about seven years, dodging into arenas in search of money, young tail and empathy. When he gets a chance, he makes a video.

The court of public opinion eagerly awaits R.'s next statement.

Really cool things

2008-05-23T16:45:00.001-04:00

Watch this video:

MUTO a wall-painted animation by BLU from blu on Vimeo.

This week in urine-based gaming

2008-05-22T08:50:00.004-04:00

For years, the world has lamented the absence of any significant gaming involving urine (snow spelling and that hilarious game where you walk up to your buddy at a party, nonchalantly drop your fly and pee on his leg while pretending to hold a normal conversation don't count). And just this week I discovered not one, but TWO urine-based gaming systems! Oh happy day!!

The first comes from Belgium and is called "A Place to Pee." The game uses sensors in a urinal and you can use your pee to ski or kill aliens (firefighting games are in development. Not really.) The game comes housed in a two-urinal booth so that you can compete against your friends (it just keeps getting better). And for the ladies out there who are feeling left out, fret not - the inventors have included a contraption that allows you to pee (and play) like a man.

Our second pee game comes from - where else? - Japan, and is a game played on the Nintendo Wii console aptly named Super Pii Pii Brothers (I wish I was clever enough to have made that up, but it's true). A witty description of this one just doesn't do it justice, so check out the video below and order yours today.

Happy gaming!

And you are...?

2008-05-20T22:52:00.005-04:00

I like knowing stuff. Random stuff. Like, why do some people have "tear" tattoos? Or, will Greg Oden recover from microfracture surgery? Who are they inviting back for next season's Real World-Road Rules Gauntlet? I just like being in the know.

So it just feels weird that I have no idea who David Archuelleta is (did I even spell his name correctly?). I have no confidence that I could pick him out of a police lineup. Not that he's in a police lineup. Yet.

Has American Idol jumped the shark, or have I?

A breath of fresh ukulele

2008-05-20T18:21:00.003-04:00

World, meet Julia Nunes. Julia Nunes, do your thing. Most of the twenty-four posts since our inception here at Flappy Days have been either snarky or ranty, which is fine, cause that's just the kind of curmudgeons-in-training we are. But we have no editorial bias against good things of all stripes. And I would categorize a ukulele cover of Destiny's Child (or an a capella cover of Kanye West's "Jesus Walks") by an adorable, fresh faced young lass as one of those "good things". Enjoy.

The "straight talk express" needs a breathalyzer

2008-05-19T15:38:00.003-04:00

Hey Maverick - your ego is writing checks your ~~body~~ mouth can't cash.

And one silo of whole milk, please

2008-05-19T15:31:00.005-04:00

A tractor trailer carrying 14 tons of double-stuffed Oreos overturned on Interstate 80 in Illinois, spilling thousands of cookies all over the highway. The real question is - does the 5 second rule apply? And also, will journalists be able to cover the story without using the headline "Got Milk?"

The bottom of the barrel, part 86

2008-05-19T15:18:00.002-04:00

Yet another reason to turn on off the television. If you don't want to waste your time with even the 3 minutes it takes to watch the teaser above, it's a preview of the new Beverly Hills, 90201. How is it that crappy television somehow transforms itself through the power of nostalgia? Well, on the upside, I have a lot more time to do the Sunday Times crossword.

I just can't get enough

2008-05-16T17:56:00.001-04:00

More O'Reilly mash-up marvelousness. Enjoy, and to all 13 people who are reading our blog this week (that includes our parents) - have a great weekend!!

It was all Chuck's fault...

2008-05-15T17:20:00.002-04:00

By now you've probably seen the clip: beloved New York newscaster Sue Simmons dropped an f-bomb while doing a teaser for the 11 o'clock news earlier this week. If not, here's the proof:

We here at Flappy Days were devestated- we've been big Sue fans since back in the day. I've probably seen her go through half a dozen different faces. I was chagrined to see that she got caught up Arthur Chi'en style with a dirty word. Not our Sue! How could this happen!

According to the New York Times, it may have been weak link Chuck Scarborough's fault. Chas was busy playing around with his computer and wasn't ready to read his part of the tease. Probably updating his Facebook account or checking out what adultfriendfinder has to offer in The Hamptons. This is what Chuck looks like when he's not behind the desk at NewsCenter 4. Pimp f'real!

So Chuck's playing with his Interweb. Sue, according to the grand 'ole dame of American journalism The NY Post, may or may not have been boozin' it up (for the record, they refer to her as a "Salty Swiller"). She realizes she's got a slight dead air problem going and, just like that, we've got adult language in the middle of primetime. In the middle of an all new episode of Medium no less! The humanity!

I'm guessing NBC won't be inviting her to Beijing to do human interest stories for its 'round the clock Olympic coverage. I hope it was worth it, Chuck Scarborough.

Facebook in real life

2008-05-15T15:26:00.005-04:00

I happen to like Facebook. Sure, it has its annoyances - in particular, I have a pet peeve about people whom I have not seen in more than 10 years adding me as a friend without even so much as a short "Hi!" - but in general, I think it does more good than harm. However, these randy Brits have taken the piss out of ol' FB, and it's hilarious (at least for the first minute). Enjoy.

I love the interweb

2008-05-15T13:36:00.001-04:00

It is precisely for mash-ups like these that I heart the world wide interwebs. Enjoy.

Will the real Hammer please stand up?

2008-05-13T19:47:00.001-04:00

After reading my brother's post about that awesome blind bowler, I was struck by how difficult it must be to carry around such a strong nickname. Think about it. "The Hammer". It comes with such obligation.

Consider some past hammers: Hank Aaron, MC (aka Stanley "the Manley" Burrell) and the seemingly endless list of professional Jewish athletes (Ryan Braun, Demetri Salita, Hank Greenberg, Gabe Kapler...). Of course, they're Hebrew Hammers, but if anything that makes the obligation that much greater.

Let's face it though, the most feared (and loved) Hammer must be Tom DeLay. I always thought "Touchdown Tommy" would have been a more appropriate nickname for DeLay, but I tend to want to call everyone named Tom "Touchdown Tommy". Call it Bushitis.

I wonder how much influence a nickname has on its owner. Did being "The Hammer" push DeLay to a career full of bitter partisanship and a penchant for crookedness? Consider this: when DeLay served in the Texas House of Rpresentatives, his nickname was "Hot Tub Tom". Guess the guy liked to party in hot tubs. Wonder what kind of political career he might have had if that nickname stuck. He might have just been a really fun lobbyist. Or maybe he would have run Spring Break trips to South Padre.

The next president of the United States (or, please Hammer, don't hurt 'em)

2008-05-12T19:49:00.000-04:00

If, as popular opinion appears to have it, our next president should be judged more on his ability to bowl (or lack thereof) than on his foreign or domestic policies, ladies and gentleman, I'm proud to introduce our next President of the United States.

Dale Davis, a 78 year-old legally blind man from Alta, Iowa known as "The Hammer" - no relation to Tom Delay or MC - bowled a perfect 300 game in a league season-ending roll-off last week. I wonder what his thoughts on immigration reform are? The Dude would be proud.

Gold chains come in twos

2008-05-12T17:31:00.000-04:00

The strange part of my brother's post about gold chains earlier today is that I had the exact same experience (prompted by our conversation last week), but replace the words "gold rope" with "gold chain and Star of David" and the phrase "judging from my wife's reaction, I may have looked silly" with the phrase "according to my girlfriend, I should never wear gold chains around her."